Zoltan went down to Georgia  or,  Springtime in Hell
- June, 1999

Last year (that is, 1998) in Georgia I had a had a thoroughly enjoyable run. If you read the story I wrote just before I set out, you know that in '99 I left for GA with a bright spirit in my heart and a rat on my shoulder. Sadly, the season in Georgia, to put it bluntly, blew chunks. Allow me to elucidate...

There were some great things about the year. I had a more prominent stage and what seemed to be decent show times. I was doing some new fire-eating effects and working with the rats, I was going to rent an RV to live in rather than a tent, and was (as always) looking forward to working with some of the finest stage acts on the circuit.

Sadly, our young hero's hopes were to be splattered like so much fake blood on his stage (yes, it's fake - please tell me you knew that). Read on, and hear me bitch and whine and piss and moan through my tale (with perhaps a bright spot or two, along the way).

	Zoltan's lovely crier from the '99 GA faire

Renting the RV seemed like a great idea, except that a) it was more expensive than I thought, and b) the refridgerator didn't work. It took two weeks before the rental company even sent a repairman out, and two repairs over two more weeks (so basically, half the rental time) before it was working. And then, once it was working, it stank of amonia (the cooling agent) so badly that I couldn't keep anything but drinks in it. Management was completely unsympathetic, and when it came time to settle the bill were almost completely unforgiving. So let it be known that if you have to rent an RV in the Atlanta area, do not, under any circumstances, rent from Family RV, up in Norcross. They are difficult to deal with, and give lousy customer service. If you do have to interact with them, say that you've read this and that they have poor personal hygene habits, as well. And I hope this page shows up in lots and lots of search engines...

However, as I said, there were bright spots. One of them was this very fine renchick, who gathered crowds for my stage - her name is Anna, and her character was Istella Talltale, the Town Liar (Honest). Just like the flavor, her humor's built right in.

As for my shows, they went tremendously well - many people remembered me from the previous year and brought friends and family. I worked my heart out; the rats worked their fuzzy little butts off. There was a particularly great day when my stage was blessed by a half-dozen dancers from a local establishment called The Doll House. That's right, 'dancers' - you know damn well what I mean.

Unfortunately, the festival saw fit to pit my show against the exceptionally popular and excessively-hyped live large cat show (lions and tigers and ladies - oh my!), and as a result my crowds suffered, which was a big pain in the patookus. 'Cause as you rennies know, when your crowd is small, so are you tips. In spite of that, the festival did ask to me return in '00, and I said that if they changed my schedule, I'd surely love to.

Kelly Baker at sunset on Stone Mountain

And speaking of Alabama, I'd like to take this moment to say that while I did use a 14 year-old girl for the handcuff trick, I swear I thought she was 18. And I'll never do it again...

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