The world-famous Guacamole Recipe

For you die-hard guacamole fans (and you know who you are, don't you, you little guac-monkeys. Who's a guac monkey - c'mon, who's a guac monkey, dammit!), I've kept the recipe intact here on this page. The banana muffins are really good too, and I know there'll be a temptation to spread the guacamole on the banana muffins, but don't do it. Really. Unless your idea of fun is inspecting the grout between your bathroom floor tiles.

Anyway, in parts of Toronto, I'm world-renowned for this recipe. It comes from my old friend Emily Peetoom (who, frankly, has only called me like, once in the past four years):

  1. Take two avocados (they should be dark green, and just slightly mushy), cut them in half, pop out the pit and scoop out the flesh with a spoon (easier than trying to peel the slippery things, and you lose less flesh - both from you and the avocado).

  2. Crush two or three (or eight or sixteen) cloves of garlic (I use about four), and throw that on the avocado.

  3. Squeeze the heck out of about half a lemon (or about all of a lime), and then go by taste (it's easy to overdo the lemon part). Then mash all this together until it's smooth.

  4. Chop up a small onion and throw it in (it's easy to over-onion this recipe), along with about half a normal size tomato, (I like to have decent size chunks of onion and tomato, just for texture. But I know there are people out there who are going to puree it like baby food anyway. Don't. For me, okay?).

  5. Give it a little more mashing and stirring, then cover the bowl (did I mention to do this in a bowl? If not, scrape everything off the counter into a bowl) and put it in the fridge. If you give it about an hour, the garlic will seep through and blend the flavors together. If you have a problem with the top layer discoloring, apparently putting one of the pits on top is supposed to help. It never works for me, though.

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